Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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