so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
