I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
