sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
