I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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