i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
