i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
