I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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