There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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