what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
