i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
