I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
