u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
