i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
