Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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