Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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