who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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