On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
