I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I bet he comes in French.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
