Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
