The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
