and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
