i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
