Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
