sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
