super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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