this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
