i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
