You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
