i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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