Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
