I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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