all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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