So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
