let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
