I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
