it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
