My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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