My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
