i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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