btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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