have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
