THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
