Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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