ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
