I smell stomach acid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
