It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
