I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
