Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
