get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
