My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
