Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
