Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
