You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
