yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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