Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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