walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Randomize
