I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
