If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
