I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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