It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
