If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
