Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
