Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
