I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
