i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
